funny ass poems

it was in this moment of desperation that pythagerous came up with the theorm he would be known for as he said

"Plato, yo momma
so triagular that if you
square the lengths
of her A side and her B side,
you can find the length of her
C side by finding square root
of the sum of her first two sides."

ok this next one is part of a multi-genre piece where i imagine my gym teachers attending a dodge ball themed jazz and poetry festival....yes, i'm strange. but this is my dodgeball haiku:

A game full of grace
Dodge and throw this ancient art
Slow kid with flat face

ok seriously it even rhymes.....greatest poem EVER!!!!

untitled

I'm walking myself home.
this night is cold and wet
but i don't notice.
Did I just skip?
I didn't mean to
but my feet couldn't help it.
My heart pounds so loud
from emtiotions it's not
known a week that I
tell it to keep quiet
because I swear you must
be able to hear it in
your room.
I feel dizzy
like when your seven
and you get off a tire swing
and you hardly know
which way is up but
you know your running and
your laughing and you want
another ride and you know
it's up your finding
not down.
Kiss me again
Just like you did tonight.
Spin with me,
I promise the swing
will hold.
Do I hear something behind me?
I smile and exhale releasing white
and I can't quite explain why
but i want to show you
the way my breath hangs
in the air tonight

artificial lights

went walking the other night
trying to clear my mind
I look to the sky
and see one buzzing ligh
tand it's man made
ooo it's man made

why, are there not stars in the sky
why, am i looking at artificial light
artificial ligh
tNo stars in that sky

yeah i'm looking at headlights, stoplights, porchlights, streetlights
not one in the sky
there's no light for my mind.

i'm looking at headlights, stoplights, porchlights, streetlights
not one in the sky
there's no light for my mind.

It seems the stars have left the sky
and i think we all know why
I need to see the moon
but all i see is human gloom
let me tell you now
lunar intoxication
is greater than this neon-sign vacation that the world is on.
done with artificial lights
no more artificial lights
i want to see the twinkle of night
it's the only way i'll feel right
let me see oh let me see
let me see oh let me see
let me see oh let me see
silver moon light

angry song intro

i hope these words
burn so bright that for
a moment your eyes can
see nothing and fade to
a time when you were looking
at me and I had to
look away because i couldn't
stand the pain you brought
on me. And maybe it's
wrong for me to make you
the monster, but i think
I have to so I can
re-build myself. Your
looking at me now and
wondering how i've made
myself a-new when you
crushed me so completely
I'm not entirely formed
and standing before you
I am bleeding
I am bleeding
but I won't be
bleeding for long
and now, for you
I sing this song....

it's fading...it's fading so fast and i can feel it. I've let myself feel so much the last few days and i'm burning off those last little shreds. I got crushed, but i'm growing back so strong. soon i'll be a mountain i swear.

feelings that are hard to admit

every morning when i wake up
i still get confused for a moment
by the cool spot next to me
and my legs collapse
when i try to stand.
holding myself on my knees
I choke down air
still tainted with your scent
though your perfume
is meant for another.
hanging my head near my sholders
a tear falls from my nose
and when it lands on the ground
I whisper "I hate you" and it's white.
months of shackled rage
flow to my legs
and I'm ok to stand

wootage

so i've just wrote what i think may be the whole song for infidelity. the version i've come up with is much slower than the original idea I had in mind but i really like it. The only downside is i'm not talented enough yet to move my chords as quickly as I need to so for a while the only person who will be hearing the song as it's supposed to be heard will be me...and this will be in my head. haha also even when i get down the playing, playing the song and doing vocals at the same time is going to take me some time to get down. oh well, i still consider this a triumph. maybe i can even get good at this. wish me luck.

my stupid mouth

ick, yesterday. I don't know, my head was just not screwed on right or something. basically if i talked to somebody yesterday i said something that came out so wrong and i at least temporarily pissed them off. geez i need to not have days like that again. Oh and i develped some wierd rash. it seems to be going away today but it's like i had hives or something. my whole body was covered.

*disclaimer*

haha when i write this stuff it's usually when I REALLY need to get something out. it's just how I work. I get in a mood and then I need to just let myself feel as whiney and miserable and down as is humanly possible for a bit. and then writing is usually one of the last steps and then i'm back to being ok and happy and I see the world clearly. haha don't take all the pained material on this blog too seriously. well i mean like don't think it's an accurate measurement of how i feel all the time. I just need to let myself feel things in all their intensity or I never really feel them. if that makes sense. like if i don't let myself feel something all the way through it doesn't feel resolved to me at all. I'm happy and healthy. I realize it may not sound that way reading this sometimes but i really am.

sometimes i wish i could just toughen up. man I am such a whine ass sometimes. I need to learn how to just distance myself from what i feel. i don't know. sometimes i like it. i think it makes me human. and it's cool because i feel the good moments with the same intensity but sometimes feeling so much feels....it feels like no way to live. to quote some dashboard i feel like a "walking open wound" half the time. I need to stop putting stuff like this in here if i'm allowing this to be a public blog. haha i'm such a rollercoaster. i guess we cancers really are the first to laugh and the first to cry. others must think i'm crazy. btw nothing sacred by the rx bandits is a good song. wow writing is so good for me....i feel so much better now. but seriously, why do emtions hit me so fresh everytime? it's like I never built up any tolerence. too bad feeling something all the time doesn't make me a little immune to it like drinking all the time does. blah, you know why girls can never find nice sensitive guys? because being a nice sensitive guy sucks nuts. nice guys do finish last i'm convinced. toughen up or get crushed.

infidelity

You ran away so fast
I don't think you noticed
that you had my heart
K, let me revise that
I know that you noticed
but you still held it

Oh and
Your infidelity
Your infidelity
it is everywhere
it's everywhere
and it's bleeding, on me
Your infidelity
Your infidelity
Won't let me go
Won't let me run away

Standing here in this moonlight
It's time for some questions, like
Did it mean so much and
was it quite my touch and
how'd your body heat come tumbling so fast

Oh and
Your infidelity
Your infidelity
it is everywhere
it's everywhere
and it's bleeding, on me
Your infidelity
Your infidelity
Won't let me go
Won't let me run away

OOOOO
Let me get away
Because i am here breathing
I'm just barely breathing
and I need something more now
I need to scream this
I need to fucking scream this
till this stars can't take it anymore
anymore
and they fade from the sky

Oh and
Your infidelity
Your infidelity
it is everywhere
it's everywhere
and it's bleeding, on me
Your infidelity
Your infidelity
Won't let me go
Won't let me run away

Oh and
Your infidelity
Your infidelity
it is everywhere
it's everywhere
and it's bleeding, on me
Your infidelity
Your infidelity
Won't let me go
Won't let me run away

but I am gone now
I am gone now
I fell away and I am gone

One more chance

I don't have your feel on this bed now
been gone for three days now
and I'm still waiting
waiting for something to change this
for something to be more
but i'm here alone

Oh please just give me one more chance
I promise i won't mess up or let you pass
Oh won't you please just give me
Oh won't you please just give me
Oh won't you please just give me one more chance
This cold room sweeps around me

And sun light hits my eyes
I pull these blankets tigher
I was not born a fighter
My hands are letting go and I just can't help it
Oh please just give me one more chance
I promise i won't mess up or let you pass
Oh won't you please just give me
Oh won't you please just give me
Oh won't you please just give me one more chance

OOOOOO won't you give me
OOO won't you give me
I am begging youI am begging you
I won't let you get away
I want my life back
I need my heart back
OOOOOO

Oh please just give me one more change
I promise i won't mess up or let you pass
Oh won't you please just give me
Oh won't you please just give me
Oh won't you please just give me one more chance
please...just...give...me

today's mood

:).....nough said

lines I couldn't write til now

I'm quite a sight,
walking myself
up a mountain with
my arms pulled
behind my back and holding
a snowboard close to my body.
I'm stumbling in the snow.
I'm nearly colapsing as
I choke on a four-year bullet
I don't try to hide
tears for there is noone else
on the mountain this day.
The crying doesn't burn
hot enough and I yell staring
up "YOU WERE A FUCKING CHILD"
all the while continuing
my march up this hill
because you'll be so proud
when i can go down without falling.

stuff

ok so first of all, I'm going to be taking a class this summer on wednesdays from 8:30-4:30 to get my certification for EMT basic. that's pretty damn cool. I like feeling like i'm being successful in what i'm doing.

So yesterday I decided that i had to get out my brothers snowboard and mess around with on some hills around in china. I friggin' loved it. this is kind of crazy coming from a ski kid who for years was adamant that he would never go snowboarding. I have to say though, it has such a fun feel and it's pretty easy once you get over that initial balance problem. take this with a grain of salt though since i've still not actually gone down a mountain but i have taken my brothers board as my own and i'll hit a slope soon. Maybe Friday. I'm just a different person now. I can't believe i didn't try this years ago.

I feel....I feel like something is missing from my life. It's really frustrating. I have a direction. I have a good set of friends right now. Quite a bit of the time lately i'm actually happier than i've been in my whole life but then sometimes i just have emo kid days. i'm having one of those today. I'm just..... feeling incomplete. I think i understand it. there are parts of myself that i can't let out to everyone. I don't have someone that i feel comfortable enough around to show all the parts of me right now. These parts are aching to come out. I need a sunrise. I need one in ways i can't vocalize properly. this is my best attempt:
all that time and never a sunrise
only sunsets
like we knew better than
to imagine rising hope
I need one now,
I need a sunrise in my life
and no more sunsets
the sun has sank too deep
to hang in the sky the same

I'm such an odd mix of elated and down lately. haha to say my life has been a rollercoaster the last half a year or so is a gross understatement. Other than my name, i swear everything is different about me. but i've had to rebuild myself so completely. I mean I really fell apart.

i just don't care about UMF school work anymore.....this isn't my life anymore. I am not a teacher. I don't care about teaching.

I wish certain things would give me a chance.

don't take my rablings too hard. I'm still doing alright