stuff

ok so first of all, I'm going to be taking a class this summer on wednesdays from 8:30-4:30 to get my certification for EMT basic. that's pretty damn cool. I like feeling like i'm being successful in what i'm doing.

So yesterday I decided that i had to get out my brothers snowboard and mess around with on some hills around in china. I friggin' loved it. this is kind of crazy coming from a ski kid who for years was adamant that he would never go snowboarding. I have to say though, it has such a fun feel and it's pretty easy once you get over that initial balance problem. take this with a grain of salt though since i've still not actually gone down a mountain but i have taken my brothers board as my own and i'll hit a slope soon. Maybe Friday. I'm just a different person now. I can't believe i didn't try this years ago.

I feel....I feel like something is missing from my life. It's really frustrating. I have a direction. I have a good set of friends right now. Quite a bit of the time lately i'm actually happier than i've been in my whole life but then sometimes i just have emo kid days. i'm having one of those today. I'm just..... feeling incomplete. I think i understand it. there are parts of myself that i can't let out to everyone. I don't have someone that i feel comfortable enough around to show all the parts of me right now. These parts are aching to come out. I need a sunrise. I need one in ways i can't vocalize properly. this is my best attempt:
all that time and never a sunrise
only sunsets
like we knew better than
to imagine rising hope
I need one now,
I need a sunrise in my life
and no more sunsets
the sun has sank too deep
to hang in the sky the same

I'm such an odd mix of elated and down lately. haha to say my life has been a rollercoaster the last half a year or so is a gross understatement. Other than my name, i swear everything is different about me. but i've had to rebuild myself so completely. I mean I really fell apart.

i just don't care about UMF school work anymore.....this isn't my life anymore. I am not a teacher. I don't care about teaching.

I wish certain things would give me a chance.

don't take my rablings too hard. I'm still doing alright