*disclaimer*

haha when i write this stuff it's usually when I REALLY need to get something out. it's just how I work. I get in a mood and then I need to just let myself feel as whiney and miserable and down as is humanly possible for a bit. and then writing is usually one of the last steps and then i'm back to being ok and happy and I see the world clearly. haha don't take all the pained material on this blog too seriously. well i mean like don't think it's an accurate measurement of how i feel all the time. I just need to let myself feel things in all their intensity or I never really feel them. if that makes sense. like if i don't let myself feel something all the way through it doesn't feel resolved to me at all. I'm happy and healthy. I realize it may not sound that way reading this sometimes but i really am.