on Rae and my deal with the universe

Im so glad to have Rae as my girlfriend but it sucks that shes so far away. and its like this, im falling for her and im not sure she can give herself to me. if this all falls through its just like...damn i dont know....i might be a little broken. i made my fucking deal with with universe and this girl would be so fucking perfect if she would just let me love her like i could. FUCKING A i could treat her like a princess and show her that joy in this life is real. its not that im convinced that she cant give herself to me...its just that im so far from convinced that she can and i am really starting to fall in love with this girl.....im not there yet....but fuck if im not on the way. Just let her fall me and let me love her. Im so sick of looking for someone and this could be so damn good!!! and if this doesn't work out i don't know if i can believe in the universe anymore. i don't know.....im this close to exploding in joy and this close to breaking and im a little scared. i don't want another pain right now i want love and i good things to come my way and i am trying so damn hard to deserve them both by putting in honest effort and by trying to become a better person. come on.....this is me like down on my last bended knee saying send me a sign of what to do or just keep pushing me in the right direction and let me find resolve again because something really broke in me today and i cant quite put my finger on it.......but i know like 80% of it is that i really REALLY dont want Rae to leave me and hurt me like they all do because i sincerely believe that if she would just stick around we could be the best fucking thing. i mean the best fucking thing. i mean the best fucking thing god damn it i cannot say enough how much i have the gut feeling that if she could just give herself to me we could be it

FUCK I HATE TONIGHT