cardiogenic shock

i became addicted
to the words i love you.
those bits of sound coursed
through my vasculature as
though they're part of
my sympathetic
nervous system.

fearing a new form of
cardiogenic shock i begin
to assess for tachycardia.
It's alarming and I'm gasping
for breath like the air is running out
though there is more
left for me than ever before.
because it's just me and the moon
and the strangest dream where
I am strangling my own throat
and my fingers hunger for the
burst of red, aching to spill myself
and purge it through concrete soaked with
plasma. I loose sense of reality and
so i check for tracheal displacement
with my findings making the world spin
to black.

I wake to find myself
in recovery with an IV full
of ticks and tocks.
My head spins a little from
it's travel back in time.
I explain to the doctor
that i just forgot to
take my 500mg of hope
and tell her it won't happen again.
I think i even believe myself.