just some thoughts

it's been a while since i've written anything. i guess i just don't quite know how to process what's going on in my head. it's like nothing has happened really that's notable but my head just doesn't feel right. maybe that's it. nothing has happened really. i guess i just feel like i'm stuck. it's so bizarre of a feeling to have my life going in a direction right now and having goals but feeling like i am just drifting i guess. that's how my life feels to me. it's a series of "almost" and "i guess". nothing feels concrete. ok so i need to just say what i've been trying to ignore here. my life feels fine in every term except on the relationship front. i can't even get into it but it's just confusing. it's like.........i just don't have the words. and i'm just very lonely. it's hard to be alone. still glad it's happened though. it's let me figure myself out a lot. i think i've got a pretty good feel for me now though. i feel like for the first time in my life i would be able to get into a relationship with the attitude of "this is me and if you aren't compatible with me as i am well then it's just done" i used to be kind of desperate to make relationships work as much as possible even when they weren't working. i guess because they were how i defined myself. but i have a new definition now. it's a pretty good one. i've just been over thinking it all again. I'm going to be ok and things will work out they way they are supposed to. sometimes though i look at life and think "there's no poetry between us". like life is this massive stretch of white and i'm just this blotch of ink struggling to form into verse. i still believe in it all though. i don't think i'll ever become a cynic. one thing i've found is that life just won't seem to let me quit some things or get somethings off my mind. i'm going to leave that cryptic