moving out

all cleaned out
I think back on this apartment
and what it has seen
It saw the two of us
frantically move ourselves in
and the painful steps of
being in our first place.
It saw the way you looked
at him when he first visited
and it saw me notice.
It saw me incapable of letting you go
even though i believe I should
It saw me burn out.
You didn't notice, but the apartment did
I grew so tired
taking care of so much like I did.
It saw pillow case puddles you
never knew about, even though you
were right next to me.
It saw me break.
You saw this too.
And it saw the tears that you pretended
not to notice.
It watched you leave but i never saw it.
It watched me shudder with pain when I came back.
finding you gone.
It watched me almost take my pulse
with 8 inches of steel,
but i never did.
It watched me shake for months on that
couch because i couldn't handle the bed
we shared.
but it watched me grow too
It watched me make myself a new person
It watched me become happy
for the first time in my life
truly happy.
It watched me figure out
how i want to live through trial and error.
looking now it keeps coming back to that bed.
I'm leaving it for a bed you've never known
It feels like home to me now