rock the plank

oh fuck it let's use names here. hey nikki, when did your voice start to sound so fake? i don't know, you just don't even look the same as i remember. everything about you seems like glass. it holds a shape but it's transparent and just waiting for a stone to break it apart. maybe i just read too far cus your words say you are doing well but i can't hope but think that i just hope you're as happy as you're pretending. i don't know. i don't know how to read you like i used to. I just wish you the best. there's a song by catch 22 that says "we always said we'd meet again when we were ten years older" and i think we should. i think it would be foolish for the two of us to pretend we really want to keep in touch but i want to know what becomes of you.

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different message here. to my past come present. what can i say except the time has been great. i wrote something about it but i never posted it. you never seem to be planned. you just sort of coalesce. I don't want to be douche so i think i'll try to put some honest effort into visiting you in San Fransisco this summer. besides, there is just so much more of the world i want to see.

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i can't figure you out for the life of me and i love that. returning to farmtown will be fun

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give snowboarding an honest try this winter. i kind of kickass at it and honestly it is just so goddamn much fun. i can't help but think that you'd be proud of me cuncle. I've been deliberating lately on whether or not i should do something with your ashes or just keep them and take them with me. i think i want to take them with me. yeah i do. honestly. you come with me to farmington. i can't leave you sitting around in this damn room in china forever. that was what i felt bad about. that i didn't honestly take you with me on my adventures. glad i figured that out.

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- this blog brought to you by, Rum. taking away the cares of pirates and turning the average man into a swashbuckler. pick up a glass and prepare to say "arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrg matey!!!!!"

also brought to you by, the mad caddies, because rocking never tasted so good.

a mistake i found

i over used the word particle in that....i need to revise it

title in progress

she's a workaholic
"what did you do
today?" she asks me
she sees the world in terms of accomplishments
and conquered goals. but
this isn't what i think life is made of
life is about waking up and trying to make sense
the most senseless thing you could imagine. let's see
what happens when you take molecules
and shoot some electricity through them
and suddenly they animate
and we have hair and bladders and nipples
kept under shirts
and zaps and neurotransmitters make jealousy
and hate and joy and candle light with red wine just so
fucking sexy.
the little photons come down so we all go to work
and garbage trucks beep and take our
shit off the street and out of sight
while the neighbors dog squats
right in front his porch and
he didn't even mean anything by it.
the dog just needed to defecate.
and rationalize it down to atoms
hell make it protons or even less
but the truth is at the end of the day we
still want to wrap ourselves around other atoms
and it's all phagocytosis it seems.
I've always wondered if I've ever eaten a particle
of something that used to be a particle of mine.
If i ever do,
i hope i know about it so i can tell that turnip
or steak or strand of a lovers hair that
i accidentally cooked into Alfredo that i win
and you can't take that part of me.
so i guess what i did today
well i wrote you a poem mother
isn't it lovely?

revised 2/9/08