a hope....and a longing

I had nearly lost touch with a very dear part of myself but i believe i have found it again in the turn of page and the scribble of a pen.

I saw a sunrise this morning that was magnificent. Pinks and oranges hung in the mist like ethereal visions of the promise of life. my heart blossomed and I heaved a sigh for my love never forgotten, but once survived (if ever so narrowly). Candice has unknowingly put my heart back in my chest. I remember what it is to be Justin David Hebert. I remember telling her that part of part of the reason i loved her was that she validated me somehow and i have come to find that is more true that i knew at the time. loosing her shook me to my core and I did ok in philly with the support of my kids at the job and my great coworkers/friends (even if none of them never knew the helped me by making my heart remember some good). I'll retract that line of progression now. I don't wish to dwell on former pain but to feel glad at.....well at feeling.

I just hope so....so much that she doesn't put my heart back in my chest only to rip it out again. I hate that some people, no matter how distant they are in your lives, can still reach right through your chest and grab you by the damn veins for christ's sake.

but i'm not mad. I know she has never meant to hurt me. I know she loves me. even if we can't be together i know she loves me and cares tremendously. I think we can finally be together this time. I knew two days into meeting her that she was the girl i was going to marry and I still feel that way down in the very core of myself. I am scared but i have faith. Eat your heart out great romances of history.

funny how this post started about me being elated with feeling life and it came back around to candice. It always does.